Do you know what Jesus' last words to Peter were? They seem to get lost in the account of his reinstatement but they were to small words that are so hard - FOLLOW ME (John 21:19). Even when Peter turned around and asked Christ about John's life His reply was FOLLOW ME.
They are two simple little words but do they ever carry so much importance and weight. FOLLOW ME. First off I need to know who I am following. Secondly, I need to trust him enough to follow. Thirdly, I have to actually start putting one foot in front of the other and follow.
The only part of the journey that Jesus told Peter was that in latter life he would be led where he did not want to go and someone else will dress him. Jesus didn't say, Peter in the mean time I'm going to set you up here in Jerusalem as one of the head apostles. (I know there is that thing about him being the rock but bare with me) Nowhere do I hear Jesus saying your going to be hurt Peter down the road when your brother Paul and you get into a fight over Gentiles of all things. Didn't say, you'll travel, you'll marry, you'll bury those you love, nope all Jesus says is "FOLLOW ME."
Are you following?
Monday, March 31, 2008
Sunday, March 23, 2008
Happy Easter!!
He is Risen!
Easter; its one of my favorite holidays. Its really a toss up between Christmas and Easter. This year I have been contemplating about what difference does Jesus' resurrection make in my life today. I'm thinking here in the practical ways, not just the theological sense of I'm saved now, but how does His being alive affect my marriage, my depression, my job search, my worries/concerns. Its easy to get all dressed up and hyped up for one day and sing great songs like He Lives or Christ the Lord is Risen Today, but what about the other 364 days? Doesn't this one event have a huge impact on our lives today?
Here's just a few things I've come up with
- Because He lives I have hope - this really has been helpful for me in dealing with the depression. There's always hope.
- Because He lives I have relationship - I'm learning on a daily basis to break the old religious habit and to live in relationship with Him. Under the religious system I view God as always mad at me - I'm constantly sinning. What I'm learning is that God isn't as mad as I think - He's very loving. This is where "The Wife" (she said its ok to call her that) has been helping me. Her patience and support during this last year has been an example of God's patience and love to me. (And I'm not just blowing smoke here, I really mean it!)
- Because He lives I have freedom - Re-read that last phrase picturing Mel Gibson in Braveheart yelling FREEDOM! I am no longer a slave to sin. Stop and think what this really means - I don't have to let those thoughts go through my mind. I don't have to click on that link that will take me to a part of the Internet I know I shouldn't be at. It means I don't have to pick up that glass of Scotch and drown my sorrows. I'm Free!
- Because He lives I have peace - Here I'm thinking along the lines of I don't have to live in worry. Right now this is the number one way I'm seeing Jesus' resurrection impacting my life - I don't have to worry. In a week I'll be unemployed with no new source of income on the horizon - I don't have to worry. In a few weeks I have to file my income taxes and history shows we'll owe yet again - I don't have to worry. My Wife's nephew has received the news that his cancer is back - We don't have to worry. What peace it brings knowing that I can place all of this on His shoulders and I know that He is going to take care of us. I don't know how He's going to do it, but He promises to take care of us.
So how about you? In what practical ways does the resurrection impact your life? I'd love to know.
Have a blessed day and remember that He LIVES!!!
Saturday, March 15, 2008
Transition
Ok, its officially public so I can talk about the change in our life I implied about a few posts ago. On Thursday night I announced my resignation as Pastor and Camp Manager at Sanders. My last day is March 30th. Its the close of a very tough 15 months. Although its been tough, its been an extremely good year in terms of growth. I've had to grow up in my faith so much and start learning what it truly means to be fully dependent upon God. Physical death has never really been a true concern, but Spiritual death has been constant. Constantly having to kill the old man who would want to strike out and blame, argue, and fight. I'm still thinking through all of the life lessons that I learned this past year. I wish that there had been an easier way to learn them, but refining fire is never easy.
God is so good! After announcing the resignation Bonnie and I (she doesn't like the title - 'The Wife') took off for Spokane. As we were traveling the ol' cell phone started ringing. Upon answering we got a piece of news that just confirmed to us that God is in all of this. We have a new house!! We have a place to live. Its not fancy, but that's ok because we're not fancy people. We'll be moving into an old farm house. I'll try to figure out how to post pics to show those who are interested. The house sits on 18 acres, with 10 acres fenced in, so our biggest concern God has relieved. We can keep Della!
Words can't express our praise for this gift from God. We've known our new landlords for quite a while and they are wonderful Godly people. What a blessing. So the move starts this week. We'll move what we can little by little and then plan the big move for the first week of April.
This prompts a new prayer request though, we need jobs. I'm talking with the conference but its not looking like there's really any positions open right now. Bonnie is sending out resumes out like a "mad" woman and has already had one interview. Myself I haven't heard anything on any of the applications I've made. I know God has something in store for us, its just waiting for His timing.
Well, the coffee is getting cold and I need to finish a sermon, so I will communicate with cyberspace tomorrow or later.
God is so good! After announcing the resignation Bonnie and I (she doesn't like the title - 'The Wife') took off for Spokane. As we were traveling the ol' cell phone started ringing. Upon answering we got a piece of news that just confirmed to us that God is in all of this. We have a new house!! We have a place to live. Its not fancy, but that's ok because we're not fancy people. We'll be moving into an old farm house. I'll try to figure out how to post pics to show those who are interested. The house sits on 18 acres, with 10 acres fenced in, so our biggest concern God has relieved. We can keep Della!
Words can't express our praise for this gift from God. We've known our new landlords for quite a while and they are wonderful Godly people. What a blessing. So the move starts this week. We'll move what we can little by little and then plan the big move for the first week of April.
This prompts a new prayer request though, we need jobs. I'm talking with the conference but its not looking like there's really any positions open right now. Bonnie is sending out resumes out like a "mad" woman and has already had one interview. Myself I haven't heard anything on any of the applications I've made. I know God has something in store for us, its just waiting for His timing.
Well, the coffee is getting cold and I need to finish a sermon, so I will communicate with cyberspace tomorrow or later.
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
Tuesday
What a great weekend. All last week "The Wife" made sure that I was kept busy and out of the house. I really appreciate how she's being so wonderful - You know its true a loving wife is a precious jewel. So this weekend we had a great time of worship at the church. Had a small crowd due to the time change but we just had a great time. Wife did an awesome job with the worship time and my sermon went better than planned. Its been really difficult planning out services and preparing sermons through this cloud of darkness so I'm always amazed to see how God takes it and uses it despite the preacher.
After our services we were able to crash for a couple of hours and then went up to a good friend's church for evening service. It was youth night so we didn't get to hear my friend preach but still it was really good. As a former youth pastor I could empathize with the youth pastor as he tried to get the youth involved, etc. Following service we went over to our friend's house for some out-of-this-world huckleberry crisp! It was really encouraging to be able to spend time with friends.
Yesterday we both just crashed. Its been a long time since we were gone everyday so sleep caught up with us. I couldn't believe it that I slept in until 10 AM. I haven't done that since I was in my early twenties. A quiet day at the house was just what the doctor ordered. We were able to get chores done, spend time watching a couple of movies and just enjoying life.
Today the wife has gone into town to run some errands and I chose to stay home. I'm sitting here looking out our front windows across the valley and can see Highway 95 in the distance. Every once in a while I can see one of the cars traveling by. It reminds me of how I've felt for years - life passing me by. Everyone else having some place to go or something to do but me. The cool thing is though, I have a truck and if I wanted to I could go join them on that highway. I guess that's what I'm realizing is that its time to rejoin life. To once again join in the fun and adventure of life not just the pain. So I think that is what I'm going to do - step away from this safety net called a computer and go start an adventure. Who knows were it will take me but isn't that the fun of an adventure?
Blessings
After our services we were able to crash for a couple of hours and then went up to a good friend's church for evening service. It was youth night so we didn't get to hear my friend preach but still it was really good. As a former youth pastor I could empathize with the youth pastor as he tried to get the youth involved, etc. Following service we went over to our friend's house for some out-of-this-world huckleberry crisp! It was really encouraging to be able to spend time with friends.
Yesterday we both just crashed. Its been a long time since we were gone everyday so sleep caught up with us. I couldn't believe it that I slept in until 10 AM. I haven't done that since I was in my early twenties. A quiet day at the house was just what the doctor ordered. We were able to get chores done, spend time watching a couple of movies and just enjoying life.
Today the wife has gone into town to run some errands and I chose to stay home. I'm sitting here looking out our front windows across the valley and can see Highway 95 in the distance. Every once in a while I can see one of the cars traveling by. It reminds me of how I've felt for years - life passing me by. Everyone else having some place to go or something to do but me. The cool thing is though, I have a truck and if I wanted to I could go join them on that highway. I guess that's what I'm realizing is that its time to rejoin life. To once again join in the fun and adventure of life not just the pain. So I think that is what I'm going to do - step away from this safety net called a computer and go start an adventure. Who knows were it will take me but isn't that the fun of an adventure?
Blessings
Saturday, March 8, 2008
God's faithfulness
Human nature is to keep secrets, to not devulge to much about ourselves, to not walk in the light regarding what's truly going on inside of us. How many times have you been asked "How are you doing" and answered "Fine" when in reality you were really hurting? I'm no different - I don't like sharing about what is really going on so its been hard to start journaling about my battle with depression. However, as my doctor said - "The enemy wants to destroy us but we have God's power on our side and we're going to kick his butt." For me a big part of that has been to open up with people and honestly say - I'm battling depression and I have to take a "Happy Pill". I've been blessed by the number of people who have contacted me and "The Wife" to let us know that they've been praying. People that I don't even know - it just blows me away. One of the lies the enemy uses in depression is that no one cares. God's family is showing the truth!
Missed journaling yesterday because we were surprised with a visit from some friends from the Washington coast. Spent the day talking with them and just enjoying their company. They have been in ministry for decades and it was really good to talk over the past year and receive encouragement and insight. One of the things that has compounded the depression is that as a new pastor I know I've been making some "rookie" mistakes. Some of them pretty big. But as our friends expressed - God's grace is bigger than all that.
So the last two days have been ok days. No major depression, no weird thoughts, but still struggling with the tiredness, the "grayness" of everything, and now I think some of the side affects of the meds are hitting. Am having boughts when I just feel all shaky inside, like I'm really cold or have just stretched really hard. Its hard to explain. We're monitoring right now to see if its the meds or something else going on.
I mentioned "The Shack" in my last post. This is a must read for every conservative Christian who has grown up in the church. Mainly because of how it forces you to think outside the box. I don't want to say to much and create any spoilers but the author's characterization of God is so surprising. This book has touched me on so many levels, even in the area of depression.
Well, need to wrap things up as my time at the coffee shop is just about up. Tomorrow is Sunday and we have another full day - morning services and then fellowship with friends in the evening. It may be Monday or Tuesday before I get back up here. Until then keep remembering that God is faithful even when we don't "feel" like He is!
Blessings
Missed journaling yesterday because we were surprised with a visit from some friends from the Washington coast. Spent the day talking with them and just enjoying their company. They have been in ministry for decades and it was really good to talk over the past year and receive encouragement and insight. One of the things that has compounded the depression is that as a new pastor I know I've been making some "rookie" mistakes. Some of them pretty big. But as our friends expressed - God's grace is bigger than all that.
So the last two days have been ok days. No major depression, no weird thoughts, but still struggling with the tiredness, the "grayness" of everything, and now I think some of the side affects of the meds are hitting. Am having boughts when I just feel all shaky inside, like I'm really cold or have just stretched really hard. Its hard to explain. We're monitoring right now to see if its the meds or something else going on.
I mentioned "The Shack" in my last post. This is a must read for every conservative Christian who has grown up in the church. Mainly because of how it forces you to think outside the box. I don't want to say to much and create any spoilers but the author's characterization of God is so surprising. This book has touched me on so many levels, even in the area of depression.
Well, need to wrap things up as my time at the coffee shop is just about up. Tomorrow is Sunday and we have another full day - morning services and then fellowship with friends in the evening. It may be Monday or Tuesday before I get back up here. Until then keep remembering that God is faithful even when we don't "feel" like He is!
Blessings
Thursday, March 6, 2008
Day Three
Well today it doesn't feel like the "Happy Pill" is working at all. Took everything to just get out of bed today. We, the wife and I, got out of the house - ok she had to force me so I'm sitting in my favorite coffee shop trying to think. Its not working. Am discouraged today. Feeling overwhelmed with the upcoming transitions in our lives that I'm not suppose to talk about right now - more on that in a week or so.
Been doing some thinking on this whole issue of depression. Looking back at patterns over the years, etc. Realizing how much I have a depressed personality, so am starting to wonder if these little happy pills will really make any difference. I guess only time will tell.
Wife and I watched "The Net" last night - what a dated movie. Funny watching Sandra Bullock working on all those Macs. I used to work on some of those same machines. What struck me as interesting in the movie is how Sandra's character appears to be scared of the outside world so she stays huddled over her computers. As someone who has worked from his home for over six years I relate to her character. That's one reason the wife insisted I get out of the house today and into town. As much as I didn't want to do this, I have to say I appreciate her. You know someone truly loves you when they put up with your crap and then still see the best in you.
The one thing I'm looking forward today is that our copies of the book "The Shack" are due to arrive. More on this life changing book later as the wife is ready to get going. Well here's to one more day. May God provide all of us strength for today. Praying that tomorrow is a different day.
Been doing some thinking on this whole issue of depression. Looking back at patterns over the years, etc. Realizing how much I have a depressed personality, so am starting to wonder if these little happy pills will really make any difference. I guess only time will tell.
Wife and I watched "The Net" last night - what a dated movie. Funny watching Sandra Bullock working on all those Macs. I used to work on some of those same machines. What struck me as interesting in the movie is how Sandra's character appears to be scared of the outside world so she stays huddled over her computers. As someone who has worked from his home for over six years I relate to her character. That's one reason the wife insisted I get out of the house today and into town. As much as I didn't want to do this, I have to say I appreciate her. You know someone truly loves you when they put up with your crap and then still see the best in you.
The one thing I'm looking forward today is that our copies of the book "The Shack" are due to arrive. More on this life changing book later as the wife is ready to get going. Well here's to one more day. May God provide all of us strength for today. Praying that tomorrow is a different day.
Wednesday, March 5, 2008
Day Two
Monday started a new adventure for me and so far things haven't really changed drastically. After years of battling boughts of depression, and suicidal thoughts, my wife got me to go see a doctor. I have now joined the thousands of people taking anti-depressant medications. She says she can tell a difference just after three doses. The Dr. says it'll take a few weeks before the full effects hit me.
Interesting the things that go through your mind as you start a journey like this. "What if (insert name)finds out?" "Does taking medication mean that I'm not trusting God?" "Is that buzzing noise in my head a side-affect?" "I wonder if I'll finally be that person I've always wanted to be but was always to scared to be?" "Does this mean I'm crazy?" Boy is that putting a lot of stuff on to a little pill.
So now I'm starting this journey. Today I started by looking up the information on this drug - Celexa. The first side affect is suicidal thoughts. Hmm. I thought I was taking this to get rid of those. The second - weight gain. Yeah, like I need more of that, I'm now at the heaviest I've ever been. This is starting to sound like I'm not happy about this new journey, the truth is I'm excited as ever. I just find it interesting what the side affects can be.
Well, I've decided to try to journal about this journey to see if things really do change. This is the second day when I haven't imagined what it'd feel like to have a gun against my head. I'm guessing that's progress. Yesterday was the first morning in months that I've felt like getting up and reading my Bible, and today I actually did it. There was another change this morning but that's private between me and my wife. I agree with my sister-in-law who's an awesome nurse that all of these probably are not because of the drug working any huge wonder but because my body is going - Yes I finally am getting some help!
Interesting the things that go through your mind as you start a journey like this. "What if (insert name)
So now I'm starting this journey. Today I started by looking up the information on this drug - Celexa. The first side affect is suicidal thoughts. Hmm. I thought I was taking this to get rid of those. The second - weight gain. Yeah, like I need more of that, I'm now at the heaviest I've ever been. This is starting to sound like I'm not happy about this new journey, the truth is I'm excited as ever. I just find it interesting what the side affects can be.
Well, I've decided to try to journal about this journey to see if things really do change. This is the second day when I haven't imagined what it'd feel like to have a gun against my head. I'm guessing that's progress. Yesterday was the first morning in months that I've felt like getting up and reading my Bible, and today I actually did it. There was another change this morning but that's private between me and my wife. I agree with my sister-in-law who's an awesome nurse that all of these probably are not because of the drug working any huge wonder but because my body is going - Yes I finally am getting some help!
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